Milk

Milk... This is what happens when I consume dairy products. Within about an hour or 2 after having dairy, My hands get really itchy, scaley, covered with a red rash (& usually start bleeding). I've yet to find a lotion or remedy that can help with the pain & itching. I also get acne like a 13 year old going through puberty when I consume dairy. Yuck.
Over the past 6-12 months I've experimented with adding/subtracting certain foods, with crazy awesome results. The biggest 2 subtractions have been dairy and gluten. While being free from dairy and gluten, I knew that I was feeling much better mentally & physically, had more energy, and was pretty much feeling like a whole new person. In reality, I had forgotten just how BAD things were before this big change. Unfortunately, I am now being viciously reminded of just how BAD it really was.

After being completely gluten/dairy free for 1 whole month (which is REALLY hard, when your family still eats tons of food filled with these 2 items), I decided to indulge a little on Christmas. Okay, it was a little more than a little ;)  December 26 2013 - Worst. day. of my life, recently. I spent over 8 hours trapped in the bathroom in the most agonizing pain I've ever experienced (other than natural childbirth). I would have much rather been in labor. At least there would be a positive outcome: beautiful baby, and I would know that eventually the pain would go away. Instead, I kept wondering if I was ever going stop being in pain. Short of taking prescription pain pills (no thank you!), there was nothing that was helping to ease the pain. Finally, I was able to leave my royal throne long enough to climb in the tub. I don't know if it had just finally been long enough (8+ hours) or if the bath truly was as magical as I'm remembering. I was still in pain. But not the 'kill me now' kind of pain anymore. The rest of the night is somewhat of a blur to me, but the next day, still in pain, I decided it was time to get some REAL answers, and stop experimenting on my own.

I made an appointment with a GI that a friend recommended. I wasn't able to get in til January 29, but I was told The 'Gut Whisperer' was definitely worth the wait. The appointment went well. The Dr. (& staff) seemed up to par and very friendly. After talking with the Dr. and giving medical history, symptoms, etc, I was scheduled for an Endoscopy & Colonoscopy. FINALLY, some answers will hopefully be coming...

Wait, what? What about the milk? In order for those procedures to produce accurate results, I have to put dairy and gluten back in my diet. SHUT UP! Gah... So, here I am, 2 days into my dairy/gluten consuming journey. It's horrible. I seriously had totally forgotten how bad this all is. My hands hurting/itching/bleeding is just a small part of this nightmare. My energy level is at about 2%, down from like 100%+ just a few days ago. I felt like I was on cloud nine. Life could not have been better. Things were peachy keen. Today, I'm feeling so sluggish. Feeling very irritable. I'm scared of what's to come until I can stop eating these foods that my body just doesn't like. March 11. That's the day I go in for my Endoscopy/Colonoscopy.  Almost 6 weeks away. Can my body, can I, can my little family handle 6 more weeks of this. 2 days in and I'm missing my former 'diet'.

Here's to hoping the probiotics the Dr. recommended I start will help counteract the negative affects a little. He also prescribed something for the pain, but I REALLY REALLY dislike taking medication unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary.

I realize this is somewhat of a whiney post. I didn't intend for it to be. I mostly wanted to jot down some of the feelings I've been having about the situation, and record some thoughts, so that I can remember it all as time goes by. My memory is terrible. Like, literally can't remember what I ate yesterday kind of terrible. If I don't take a picture of it or journal about it or somehow record the moment/thought, chances are, I won't remember...

starting again

As I lay here in bed, at 6 am, unable to go back to sleep for the past 2 hours (sick as a dog, with a head cold that just won't quit), all of these thoughts keep flooding through my head and just won't stop. Then i kept thinking about one of my favorite blogs I  follow, and the new blog she started as a sort of 'brain dump' or as a way to stay accountable to herself. I kept thinking 'man, i sure love that idea, but, meh, I don't have *time* to blog'. But here I am, just laying down, unable to stop this flood of thoughts from getting through. Might as well take advantage of this down time (stuck, laying next to my little sick baby, Sophia). Normally, I'd scroll through Facebook, maybe find a good article to read,  or check my e-mail (most of which is a big time waster for me) But i just keep thinking 'maybe getting some of these thoughts out will help ease the pain from the non stop, million miles an hour, words constantly going through my head'.  Funny enough, back when i first started this blog, i was thinking it might be a good place to 'brain dump', and post articles i had an interest in. Almost sort of a public, online journal - which i guess is pretty much what blogging is about (some genius i thought i was ;). Hopefully this time around I'll be a little more successful. My last blog post was in 2009. Only a 4+ year hiatus.... sounds about right for me. I get these great ideas, or hopes of doing some cool thing, stick to it for a bit, and then totally forget, or get sick/tired of it, and move onto something else. Yes, I'm definitely a fad junkie (which needs an entire post of it's own). I'm also a big *starter*. As in, i start lots of things, but never finish most of them. I used to (along with the rest of the world) call this a quitter. In hopes of being a more positive person, and helping my self esteem/self worth, I'd like to just call myself a starter ;)
For anyone reading this, here's a disclaimer for what to expect (or not expect) from this blog:
1- using correct comma placement is not my forte- bare with me.
2- I don't always use quotations correctly, so sue me ;)
2A- I use these things a lot (probably incorrect, over usage) - - - (what the heck are those things called anyway?)
2B- I (OVER) use parentheses, like to an (almost) annoying amount.
2C- maybe one day I'll take a writing class to help with 1- 2B. But probably not, cause i really disliked English/writing classes growing up.
3- I'm a lover of words, but am terrible with them- i could never be a writer.
4- although i have a few 'word usage' pet peeves (there, their, they're. Your, you're. Then, than), I in no way claim to use any/all words correctly, so please stop reading right now if you will lose sleep over this. Seriously. Stop. You ain't gonna find sophisticated writing here ;)
5 (or 2D)- I just noticed i use these a lot too /   /   /
6- most posts will probably be from my phone = random words missing, weird spaces, who knows what else. My phone has a mind of it's own sometimes.
7- I  like lists. They will most likely frequent here.
8- I don't know how to place paragraphs properly. That's where lists and run on paragraphs come in to play (that's a thing, right? Run on paragraphs? Like run on sentences, which I'm also pretty good at ;)

 If i go more than a week without posting, please cyber slap me, and remind me why I started, and re-started this blog =)
If you've read this far, uh, thanks? Congratulations?
Hopefully this is just the beginning of many many helpful (to me) posts. If it somehow helps someone else along the way, great, but this blog is honestly for my own selfish needs ;)